


Night of a lone star

by sefway3



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, deep talks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 07:37:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20671676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sefway3/pseuds/sefway3
Summary: Yanjun and Zhangjing are each struggling to achieve their dream. Their time together is what makes them go through and reach it.





	Night of a lone star

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written using Zhangjing lyrics as guides. The parts in bold are the lyrics to Zhangjing's song "一颗星的夜" [Night of a lone star]. Translation credits to (@Ulanguage_0919)： https://twitter.com/Ulanguage_0919?s=09
> 
> Enjoy!

**You Zhangjing is crazily obsessed with his dream**. But it turned out to be very painful to chase after it. Every time Zhangjing was backstage waiting for a show to begin he would get nervous. His palms would get sweaty, his heart would start beating loudly, the air started to feel thicker with each breath. He would go back to the bathroom and look at himself in the mirror. A scared boy would look back at him. He had to put in a great deal of effort to put on a smile. Sometimes he would even go out to the stage without having managed one. 

Before the performance and after the performance he would hear voices telling him he was fat. Joking about his obsession for food. Commenting how he was the smallest in the group or the fattest. He had heard and read the same comments since he was in Malaysia. Every time he said he wanted to be an idol, people would tell him he was not thin enough, not tall enough, not good enough. Even his parents had said it. But **beyond the pain and beyond the world**, he felt in his heart the need to do it.He knew he could do it. He loved the stage. He loved to perform. In the stage he felt he could express what he normally can’t. He felt as if his time on stage is the only time he is being honest. He doesn’t have to hold back. Zhanjing puts everything on the stage for everyone to see. Since he performed for the first time, he has always moved in the direction of his dream. **Just like a night of a lone star**, as if his dream was the only star in the night, he chases after it. But every time he reads the comments he has mixed feelings. Many comment on how good his vocals are or how cute he is, but others comment on how he is fat and short or how his looks aren’t enough. He pretends everything is okay. He pretends these evil comments don’t affect him. Why? Because that is what everyone wants. They like him when he is happy and fooling around with the other trainees. The show editors would give him screen time, if he was happy, dramatic and energetic. But sometimes he just didn’t feel like that. As time passed while he was on the show, his bright personality slowly began to shine less. No one noticed this. With a lot of effort he would act as if he was happy and shining on stage. People didn’t notice how hard it was to put up the shiny cover because it is something that is expected of him. If he was down and lonely, no one noticed either, because he was alone. **His shine and loneliness weren’t noticed**, except by one person. Yanjun. He was the first one to notice he was not as happy as before. He noticed it when Zhangjing performed “I will always remember”. The song was a sad song, so of course he wasn’t going to be smiling through it, but Yanjun noticed how Zhangjing’s part wasn’t as incredible as it usually was. His heart wasn’t on it. 

“Yanjun, I won’t be going to the cafeteria today, I’m feeling tired” The boy turned to leave, but before he could a hand grabbed him by the wrist.  
“Wait, I’ll go with you, just let me grab some bread” The smaller boy was looking at him questiongly. Yanjun ran into the cafeteria and grabbed Zhangjing’s favorite buns. When he returned with a bag of bread, Zhangjing was still standing where he left him. He looked tired.  
“Let’s go” Yanjun said while grabbing Zhangjing’s hand. A blush spread on the older boy’s face.  
“Where are we going? I am tired, I need to rest.” Zhangjing whined as he was being dragged by Yanjun in the direction opposite to their rooms.  
“I know you are lying to me. You pretend to go to sleep, but then you get up and go into the practice rooms.” With Zhanging’s lack of an answer he confirmed that what he had said was true. “We are going for a walk, because you need to talk.”  
Zhangjing struggled to get out of Yanjun’s hold, but it was futile. “What is happening to you?” The taller boy strengthened his grip on Zhangjing’s hand. Yanjun stopped and turned to look into the other boy’s eyes.  
“I don’t need to talk, there is nothing to talk about” The older boy was avoiding his eyes.  
“If you aren’t going to let it out, then let me do the talking” Yanjun said. He pulled on Zhangjing’s hand as a signal to continue walking and Zhangjing complied. 

As they were walking side by side, Yanjun began to speak. He realized that if he wanted Zhangjing to trust him and open up to him, he would have to open up first. “Sometimes when you look at people like Xukun or Zhengting, you feel as if they have a huge advantage. Like they were born with unfair talent and looks. But when you meet these persons that seem undefeatable you find their weaknesses and struggles, then you realize that everyone has their own struggles. **No one is born with everything**. When I first entered the company, everyone spoke about you. About how awesome you were, about your vocals, about how cute you are, about how you had improved your dancing so much, about how your stage presence was incredible. The first impression I had of you was that you were unfairly talented. Then I finally got to meet you. It was very late at night. Everyone was already sleeping. I was far behind everyone else, so I decided to practice. When I went looking for an empty practice room I saw you. You were sitting in a piano singing. Until that moment, for me, you were some kind of super talented non-humanely incredible person that was born with incredible luck. The moment I saw you there at 2 am singing your heart out I realized you weren’t born like this, the difference between you and the rest of them is that you practiced more. You devoted yourself to your dream. You are human, you are fragile, you have doubts, just like any human. It is normal to have bad moments. From that moment on, I observed you more. The more I saw you, the more I found out how hard you work. Since your dance was your weakest ability, you'd practice way more than anyone else, you'd try to stick to your diet even though you love food and your singing only got so perfect after years and countless hours of training it. So" Yanjun got closer to Zhangjing's face to look straight into his eyes. "I know you You Zhangjing. I know when you are not okay. I know right now you are not okay, and you are trying to hide it. You don’t have to pretend to be okay for me. I want to to help you, just as you’ve helped me throughout this competition.”  
Zhangjing had stopped walking and was just staring at Yanjun with a confused expression while listening. When Yanjun finished his speech, Zhangjing’s eyes were filled with tears, but none of them was falling. Yanjun took a step forward and held Zhangjing in his arms. The shorter boy wrapped his arms around Yanjun shortly and then he stepped back. Yanjun was confused by this.  
“Zhangjing?” he asked without knowing what he expected as an answer.  
“I’m tired, that’s all” Zhangjing could tell Yanjun knew those were nothing but lies. After a while of both of them only staring into each other’s eyes, Zhangjing finally began speaking.

“It has been a hard road.” He was looking at the floor. “When everyone said I was not good enough to be an idol, something inside of me would scream at me to not listen to them. They would say I should settle with what I have and let my dreams go or I would lose the little I had and end up with nothing. Then a voice inside would tell me that **having nothing is not my destiny**. With that in mind, I risked it all, deciding to accept whatever consequences may come. If I was going to fail, I would at least be the one that made the decision.” Zhangjing didn’t continue, so Yanjun added a couple of words so the older boy would continue.  
“You didn’t want other people to tell you what to do. You went after what you wanted to do.”  
“Yes” Yanjun didn’t expect such a short answer. Zhangjing usually spoke a lot. He was probably having a hard time speaking about his feelings or about private stuff. Yanjun decided to tell his own story and struggles, so Zhangjing would feel more confident.  
“I understand you. I entered the company so late, because my parents controlled everything in my life. So, of course they were not going to let me go after my dream. I used to listen to them and do as they said, until one day, they tried to force me to marry a girl they had chosen. At that moment I realized I wasn’t free. My future was controlled by them. The day they told me I would marry that girl, I said no. We quarrelled a lot, until I screamed “You can’t control every single aspect of my life. I already obeyed you a lot. You controlled my past, you have been controlling my present, **so now **I want my tomorrow to be free**! I am an individual. I know you only want what’s best for me and I love you, but I also want to live my life. I want to make my own mistakes and learn my own lessons. I appreciate your advice, but that is all it is, advice. The decisions are my own to make.” Then they asked me what I would do if I failed. They asked me if I had thought about what would happen if I jumped in for my dream and ended up hitting my nose on a big wall. There is a lot of talented people trying to achieve the same exact dream, what made me special?. They said they would support me if I could answer those questions.” Zhangjing was listening to Yanjun attentively. This gave him confidence to continue his story. He had never told his story so openly to anyone. Zhangjing is special for him.  
“Did you answer them?”**

“ Yes, I spent weeks thinking about how I would feel or what I would do if I failed. My parents were right, there is a lot of talented people chasing after the same dream, you have to be special to get it. If I am not special, then what am I supposed to do? That same week I had a performance in my school. When I was on stage I realized something: I like to perform no matter where. So it does not matter if I’m an idol or just a singer in some bar. **Maybe magnificent, maybe ordinary, but I won’t change**, I will perform because that is what I love. I told that to my parents. After that, my parents gave me more freedom. I tried out for the company and they supported me. I participated in the rap of China and they supported me. I came into this show and they are voting for me. my relationship with them became better after that. They called off the marriage they had set up for me and let me do as I deemed. All they do now is pray that things work out for me.” Zhangjing stared at him as if he was a superhero. This made Yanjun flustered. Yet, he couldn't look away from Zhangjing's cute expression. He wanted to take his face between his palms and kiss every inch of it. After he thought about what he wanted to do, he realized how creepy and weird it was. He restrained himself from moving. But his own thoughts made him even more flustered. 

Seeing Yanjun's red and uncomfortable face, the smaller boy laughed lightly and began to open his mouth to say something, but Yanjun didn't want Zhangjing to fluster him even more, so he decided to attack before Zhangking could. "What are you laughing at? Is it that you are happy my engagement was cancelled? Don't worry, I am saving myself for someone else" He said while winking at Zhangjing and smirking. Zhangjing, who had been about to say something closed his mouth then opened it again and seemingly at a loss of words closed it again. Yanjun decided to keep on going before Zhangjing recovered. "At a loss of words? Is it me that's making you speechless?" Yanjun put his index finger under Zhangjing's chin seductively, moving his head so Zhangjing had no choice but to face him. "You Zhangjing" He said grinning widely as he saw how red Zhangjing's face was "Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile." Zhangjing couldn't take it anymore. He covered his face with one hand and hit Yanjin with the other. Yanjun laughed while trying to avoid the other's light hits. 

At that moment, Yanjun realized he loved the person in front of him. He grabbed the hand Zhangjing was hitting him with to stop it. "Stop, stop, I'll tell you a joke if you stop". Since Yanjun was holding his hands Zhangjing couldn't help but stop.  
"I don't want to hear…" He began saying, but Yanjun interrupted him, giving him no choice but to listen to his joke. The joke wasn’t optional since Yanjun grabbed his hands to stop him, he would have to endure one of Yanjun’s jokes whether he wanted it or not. "Why are cats bad story tellers?..." Zhangjing starred unamusedly at him. "Because they only have one tale". Then Yanjun smiled widely with dimples and everything. 

**** Zhangjing didn’t say anything at first. Yanjun was laughing while saying sorry. Zhangjing couldn’t help but laugh hitting Yanjun on the arm. “Yanjun, that was terrible” That is what Zhangjing said, but he loved the smile that came after Yanjun’s famous jokes.  
“You still laughed”  
“Yeah, thanks for that, I think I needed it.”  
“Now tell me, what’s been going on with you lately? Why are you so down?” Zhangjing’s smile immediately dropped. He had been down lately because of his insecurities. He had never experienced fame like he did now, the bad comments were affecting him greatly. He knew he shouldn’t be affected by comments like those so he was embarrassed for being so weak. Also he felt he was being too dramatic, his ranking was good, he had great chances of debuting. Yanjun was improving greatly but he was still far from the top nine. How was he supposed to complain in front of Yanjun?  
“N...nothing” Zhangjing said quietly, looking away.  
“Why are you like this?” Yanjun suddenly raised his voice, making Zhangjing jump.  
“W-what do you mean?” Yanjun hated seeing the small boy like this. He was scared. He was stuttering, his usual confidence and happiness were both gone. It was as if his sun had been replaced by a fragile and scared bunny. Yanjun loved everything about Zhangjing, he just hated seeing him so weak and being unable to do anything because the other wouldn’t let him in. He felt useless.  
“I know you are not okay. I know something has been bothering you for a long time, but you just won’t let me in. Are we not as close as I thought. Why won’t you share your problems with me?” Zhangjing stayed quiet for a few seconds. Finally he looked up and stared straight into Yanjun’s eyes, with a cold voice he said “I chose this, Yanjun. You don’t have to worry about me.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I chose this path. I left my family, my friends, everyone just to chase after this dream. I am used to being alone. Every friend I made along the way left me or I had to leave him. I don’t want to open up again, become close to someone again and have to say goodbye to a loved one again. Yanjun…” Zhangjing choked and a couple of tears slid down his cheek. He covered his mouth with his hand to avoid any more sobs.  
“Zhangjing…” Yanjun said without knowing how to finish that sentence. He reached out to hold Zhangjing’s hand. “Do you feel lonely?” without waiting for an answer he continued “Being alone can be scary, I know, but you don’t have to be lonely. Actually you aren’t alone. Maybe you just need to cry. If you just need to cr…”  
“**I chose loneliness, I can not cry**” More unwanted tears slid down Zhangjing’s cheek.Yanjun was dumbfounded when he heard this. Zhangjing explained further “I don’t have to cry, because this is the price I have to pay for my dream. I don’t get to cry just because I feel lonely. I can not cry just because I feel fat, or I feel I don’t have what it takes. I don’t get to cry because I feel I am not what people want as an idol, I don’t have long legs, I am not thin nor tall. I do not look like everybody on this show does. I can not…” Zhangjing was fighting to avoid any more tears. He pulled his hand out of Yanjun’s hold. Then the younger boy got chills from looking at Zhangjing’s cold stare. “**No matter how painful it is, I won’t give in**. I will not cry”. After this, he started walking away.  
“Zhangjing!” Yanjun screamed when he was finally out of the shock of seeing such a cold stare from the boy who is always a sun. Said boy stopped without turning. His head was bent down. His shoulders shaking. He was so focused on not crying that he didn’t notice Yanjun quietly coming up to him and hugging him from behind.  
“...”  
At first, Zhanjing was struggling to get out of Yanjun’s hold, but he only strengthened his hold on the boy. After some time he felt Zhangjing stop his struggles. Then he heard him start sobbing. Yanjun released his hold to turn the boy around and hold him properly. “Yanjun” he said and started to cry harder.  
“**I-I chose loneliness, ...I must not… c-cry**” Zhangjing said while crying the way he hadn’t allowed himself since his chase after his dream began. He had his hands fisted holding on to Yanjun’s sweater and crying everything out. Yanjun just held him carefully, caressing his back while whispering “You are allowed to cry Jing. You are human. Crying doesn’t make you weak. You don’t have to hold everything in to prove you are strong. I know you are strong. You deserve to debut as much as anyone on this show, even more because of all the effort you have put into this. Please do not doubt yourself. You are perfect for this.” He drew calming circles on Zhangjing’s back. “ You don’t have to be super tall and thin to make it Zhangjing. You just have to be beautiful and talented. The talent part, you overdid it,as for making people like you, you are great at that.”  
“Yanjun, I am not good looking enough for this. People say that all the time. I used to think I could make it even if I didn’t have the perfect idol image, I used to think I was good enough. Now that I got to see all of the trainees I also think I’m not good enough.”  
“Zhangjing, don’t say that.” Yanjun was fighting back his own tears. He hated seeing Zhangjing like this. He loved Zhangjing. He wanted him to always be happy.  
“**I gave all in exchange for the road to freedom**, or what I thought was freedom. **I gave all in exchange for the road to my dreams**. Now I know that the freedom I seeked for is out of my reach, because I am not enough for it.” Yanjun held Zhangjing tighter.  
“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, because in my eyes... in my eyes, you're perfect. You are beautiful. You are...” Zhanjing separated himself from Yanjun to look into his eyes. He wanted to see if Yanjun really believed what he was saying, because he himself, didn’t.  
Yanjun stopped mid sentence when he saw the look Zhangjing was giving him. He was suspecting of him. He didn’t believe his words.  
“It is true.” He said simply. 

Yanjun grabbed Zhangjing’s hand and led him to a nearby bench. “Zhangjing, why are you feeling like this?” 

**** “Because I’m scared.” Yanjun felt happy because the smaller boy was finally opening up. “I am scared about whether or not made the right decision when I sacrificed everything to become an idol.” Zhangjing looked into Yanjun’s eyes, scared he would be angry. He only saw understanding and caring in the other boy’s eyes. This made him want to continue letting out his insecurities, so Yanjun would catch them and make them go away.  
“Why are you doubting your decision now when you are so close to reaching your dream?”  
“Have you seen your weibo lately? Since we entered this competition we are famous. There are a lot of eyes on us. I thought this is what I wanted, but now that I am experiencing it, I am not sure anymore. There is too much pressure. Everything I do gets commented on. Every move, every face, every word, everything. Every single thing is public. I can’t deal with the pressure of being on the public eye. After giving it some thought I realized this might be what awaits me if I debut. More of this.”  
“Zhangjing, this is not how it is going to be. This is a reality show, everything we do is recorded. When you debut, you will have managers that will take care of your public image. You will still have your privacy. As for the critics, you’ll get used to it. No matter how perfect you are, people will always find a way to criticize you.” 

After hearing Yanjun’s words he felt better. He felt even better when Yanjun took out a bag full of Zhangjing’s favorite buns. They ate in a pleasant silence. Afterwards they stayed on the same bench talking about small nothings, and the stress both of them were handling, finally started fading away. Zhangjing felt lighter. 

After that night, Yanjun and him became even closer. People picked up on their incredibly good chemistry. Apparently now Zhangdejun was a thing. Some only saw them as incredibly good friends and others shipped them together. Zhangjing felt happy about this “shipping” thing. He would secretly go online and watch the pictures and videos their fans made. He was pleasantly surprised by how their fans would look into every detail to find what they call “Zhangdejun moments”. Zhangjing was happy that their fans were collecting them for him. 

Zhangjing was in love with Yanjun. He had been for a long time, but confessing was not in his plans. He had a lot of excuses he said to his friends whenever they tried to persuade Zhangjing to confess, but in reality he was just scared. He felt Yanjun was too much for himself. He always flirts with Zhangjing, but it is Yanjun, he flirts with anyone and anything (that stupid trash can), so it doesn’t mean anything. 

After the show was over, Zhangjing was overjoyed. He would debut and he would debut with Yanjun. Everything was perfect. Also Yanjun had been right when he had said the pressure would be less when they didn’t have cameras around every corner. Even in their trip to LA, the pressure had been a lot less. But on their way back from LA, they encountered a problem. 

On their trip back Yanjun and Zhangjing were talking about how far they had come. Unavoidably, the conversation they had when Zhangjing had his breakdown came up. 

“You were right Yanjun, Idol Producer wasn’t the way things were going to be from then on. I feel a lot better now. You really helped me a lot that night. You made me realize **the glamours I passed** there **were never my destination**. The fame that came with idol producer was nice, but my dream isn’t to be famous, my dream is to be an idol and perform in front of people. Those are different. Before we spoke I confused being famous with being an idol.” 

Yanjun just smiled and moved closer to Zhangjing. He was about to close his eyes and sleep on the other boy’s shoulder when their managers came up to them. Thay had to talk. Apparently the “Zhangjun” shipping was not good. They wanted to stop those trends because they were getting out of hand, and that was not the image they wanted them to have. So from then on, Zhangjing and Yanjun would have to stay farther away from each other in front of everyone. 

The distance between them kept on growing. After the fanmeetings were over, their companies put a lot of work on each of them individually. They barely ever met anymore, and when they did it was in public so they had to stay apart anyways. Zhangjing missed Yanjun and Yanjun missed Zhangjing. Both of them could only cope with the distance by overworking themselves. Every time each one of them went on stage, they tried to communicate with the other. 

Zhangjing didn’t dare put out a love song, because he felt his love for Yanjun would be exposed. He felt Yanjun would see through the song and he would know it is for him. On the other side, Yanjun was so sick of trying to hide his love for Zhangjing, that he decided to dedicate his mini album to Zhangjing. One of his single’s name was “You”. When Zhangjing heard Yanjun’s song name, he couldn’t help but fantasize it was for him, not knowing it was actually for him. 

**** Finally, while recording the reality show for banana, Zhangjing and Yanjun managed to get some time alone. No cameras, no public, no other members, no fans, no one. Just the two of them. Zhangjing missed those moments so much. He felt tears accumulating in his eyes. He felt the need to hug Yanjun and not let go. He was surprised when Yanjun did exactly that. He hugged Zhangjing.  
“I miss you, You Zhangjing”  
“I miss you too.”  
“I am tired, I barely have any time for myself. I need you by my side cheering me on. Our calls are becoming less and less often. Our schedules won’t even give us that. Every time I get time off you are working. And when you get spare time, I am busy. Zhangjing, I need you. When I talk to you, things just feel better. I feel better.”  
“-yanjun, I miss you too. You have no idea how much, but we knew this could happen. Right now **our paths crossed, yet they may diverge thereafter**. We don’t know if we’ll cross paths again or if we will only be in each other’s memories. Even if we do cross paths again, we don’t even know for how long.” I wish it was forever.  
“We will surely meet again. You are a really important person for me. I won’t let go of you so easily.”  
Zhangjing was at a loss of words. Yanjun really just said that. There was not a hint that it was a joke. He said it dead seriously.  
“Thank you.”  
Then a comfortable silence fell between them.  
“Zhanjing, you seem more confident now. I like that.”  
“You are the reason why. Yanjun, you are always there when I need you. You are exactly the strength I lack. That night in idol producer, you gave me strength. If you hadn’t come to me, I would’ve probably abandoned the competition or I would have been overwhelmed and my performances would have gotten me eliminated. I don’t know how I got to be so lucky to have you by my side.”  
“You really don’t know why I’m by your side?”  
Zhangjing turned to look at Yanjun questioningly.  
“Zhangjing, you brought me happiness. Before you, no one wanted to talk to me for too long. My face is intimidating. People usually think I’m not friendly, but you didn’t. When I spoke to you for the first time, you smiled at me with the warmest smile I had ever felt. .Then you spoke to me a lot. I loved that you would take your time to get to know me, you would look for me, you would include me as one of your friends. Thanks to that, I got more friends. You naturally attract people,and since you had me by your side, people started noticing I do not act the way I look. I am not cold. You kept on doing that same thing over and over again. On idol producer I started getting more camera time because of you. Now that we are apart, I am having a hard time again.” 

Zhangjing didn’t know how to answer. He felt a warmth spread on his chest. He felt important. He felt good. 

“Yanjun, you are just as important for me. When I was on idol producer, the critics and comments felt like flames and glaciers at the same time. They were a barrier in front of me. I felt, it was over. There was no way to cross such obstacles. People didn’t notice how I felt, I figured it was for the best, so I made a huge effort to keep it hidden, but it was killing me inside. Suddenly, you came and you saw me. You gave me the strength. You helped me overcome the barrier. **When I crossed the glassiers and flames across the rumors, I grew up in an instant**. After you got me through I became more confident and I got to where I am. Yanjun, thank you. I .. I… I actually want to tell you something…” Zhangjing suddenly seemed nervous. Yanjun got curious why. 

“Tell me Jing. You can tell me anything.”  
Zhangjing was about to confess his feelings when the staff interrupted them.  
“Hey, we’ve been looking for you everywhere! You guys snuck out without telling us.”  
“What are you two doing? This is dangerous!” Zhangjing’s manager was there. 

The manager ordered them to walk back.  
Zhangjing thought about what he had been about to do. He realized how dangerous it was. He would have to keep his feelings bottled for a while longer. Zhangjing thought _**maybe tomorrow** I’ll get to say it, or maybe on another life._  
On their way back, Yanjun walked beside Zhangjing. There was something he couldn’t get out of his head. Soon he started whispering. 

“Zhangjing, what is it you wanted to say?”

“I’ll tell you some other time” 

“When?” ****_maybe tomorrow_, Zhangjing thought again.  
“Some other time.” 

Zhangjing’s manager saw them together and immediately called Zhangjing to his side. “We need to talk” he said dryly.

Later, Zhangjing stood with his manager alone in a room. The atmosphere was cold and a heavy silence settled in. His manager repeated how stupid it had been what he’d done.

Zhangjing responded “We are in Germany, it is highly unlikely we will be recognized here. Besides this was our free time, we just happened to have the same plans for our free time. You didn’t scold me when I went out yesterday alone.” 

The manager responded “Yes, exactly! You were alone if you were discovered a few pictures would leak and nothing would happen, but if you are seen with Yanjun, late at night, your and his image will be ruined. I’ve told you many times. Zhangjing stop talking to him, it will be easier that way. You will ruin everything that you have worked so hard to get. Remember when you told me you made a promise to do whatever it takes to reach your dream?” Zhangjing didn’t respond.

“well congratulations, you made it. Now, don’t ruin it!”_ I fullfilled my promise, yes, but I **fullfilled my promise with scars**_. Scars I'm afraid might not heal. Losing Yanjun is one of those scars. Is it really worth it?

"I'm gonna say it one more time Zhangjing. Stay away from Yanjun. If it is too hard then stop talking to him. This isn't only because of you. Think about him. He is also trying to get a career and your relationship with him might end up ruining it. He has worked so hard for this, can you really be the one to take it away from him?..." 

Zhangjing stopped listening. He just nodded, but he didn't hear his manager anymore. The manager seemed to have noticed Zhangking wasn't paying attention, so he just inhaled deeply and told him to go to sleep. Before Zhangjing went out the door, he called him. Said boy stopped and turned to face him. 

"Promise me to stay away from Yanjun" 

"I'll try" 

He did try, but whenever he saw Yanjun he couldn’t make himself stay away. He couldn’t push him away. He couldn’t stay away. Yanjun had noticed him trying to stay away and confronted him.  
“If this is because of my career stop trying to stay away from me Zhangjing. You are more important to me than my career. Now, if this is because of your career, I’ll understand. I know how much it means to you.” 

Was his career really more important than Yanjun? No. Yanjun was already a very important part of his life. He couldn’t stand to even think about going back to a lonely life. Having to go back to keeping everything locked inside. He couldn’t. He felt good in two situations: performing on stage and beside Yanjun. 

“No Yanjun, you are more important than my dream.” 

“Then stop trying to stay away from me” 

“I can’t stay away from you” 

“Me neither.” 

“Yanjun, I have been thinking about this a lot lately. About how much I sacrificed for my dream. It was suffocating. I made it. But it was painful and suffocating. It was as if everything was dark and the only light was so far away. It felt… I don’t know how to put it into words. It was like...like...” 

“Like a night of a lone star.” Yanjun finished his sentence, succesfuly putting his feelings into words. 

“Yes! like that. Yanjun you are great with words." 

“I think it’s because I write lyrics” 

“Yes, your songs are great. Speaking about writing, I am going to release an album. I am starting to work on the lead single. I’ve been thinking about what it’ll be named. I want to tell the story of how I got here. With my song I want to tell everybody what this trip has been like. Tomorrow I’ll be able to tell the world what great effort can do for you. **Tomorrow** I’ll be able to **tell the world, tell myself, that I have lived up to the night**.” 

“Lived up to the night?” 

“Yes, I’m using your metaphor of the night with one star. If you are going to live in a night with one star you have to live up to it. It will be hard, but if you live up to it you’ll get through.” 

“I like how that sounds. Zhangjing” Yanjun pulled him by the wrist to embrace him “I am so proud of you” Then he kissed the top of his head. “Your happiness keeps me happy.” 

They stayed like that for a while. Zhangjing felt warm and loved. He felt happy. All too soon, Yanjun separated himself from Zhangjing. He looked nervous. 

“Zhangjing…” he loved saying that name. “I… I want to tell you something.” Zhangjing suspected what he wanted to say. Hoped he knew. 

“Yes?” 

“Remember when I told you my story? About how I wanted a free tomorrow?” 

“Yes, I remember. You saved my life by telling me that story Yanjun” Zhangjing said smiling fondly. 

Yanjun grabbed Zhangjing’s hand softly. Said boy looked down at their intertwined hands and then up at Yanjun. A small blush spread on his cheeks, also on Yanjun’s. If someone walked into the scene, they would probably turn right back around. 

“I found **the road to freedom**!” 

“Really?” Zhangjing was confused and a little disappointed. He wasn’t expecting that. 

“Yes, Zhangjing, you are my road to freedom.” Zhangjing was speechless. His heart skipped a beat. Tears were gathering in his eyes. “Next to you I feel I can do anything. Seeing your smile makes me want to do more. It inspires me. You are my energy. The past few months you’ve been ignoring me and I haven’t been able to focus. I don’t feel like doing anything. But with you I feel complete. Zhangjing, I don’t know if you feel the same, but I want you to know how I feel about you. I like you. In every sense of the word. I like you physically, you are cute and pretty, I love your smile, your hair, your eyes, everything you are. I like you as a friend” Zhangjing thought this was it, he was being friendzoned in the most romantic way possible. “You are always there for me, you understand me and you listen to me without judging me. I like your personality, I always enjoy your drama and your scoldings as much as I love your love for food and singing. I like your talents, you always shine when you are on stage. Even on group stages if you are there I can only look at you. Your voice and expressions are full of feelings.” Zhangjing was awestruck, his expression showed he liked what Yanjun was saying, so he got the strength to continue.

“And lastly, I like you in a romantic way. I can easily imagine growing old with you, because you are full of life. I can imagine spending all the time we have left to live, always knowing you’ll be there for me, as my life partner. You complete me in every way. Even our fights will be beautiful. We’ll be angry at each other because of some stupid reason, our prides won’t let us apologize for some time, but then one of us will give in and apologize, then the other will apologize for not apologizing earlier. I don’t know… I can’t put it into words, but I think the right expression would be: You Zhangjing, I love you.”  
“Y-yanjun…” A single tear slid through his cheek, but the smile that he wore revealed the true purpose of that tear wasn’t sadness, but an uncontrollable overload of happiness.  
“I love you too. I have loved you for a long time.” He could barely say the words before he launched himself onto Yanjun to kiss and hug him. He wrapped his arms around Yanjun’s neck to bring him closer and kiss him. He had to tiptoe to reach Yanjun’s lips, and YAnjun found this as the most adorable thing ever. He wrapped his arms around Zhangjing’s waist to hold him closer. They kissed until they had to stop for the lack of air. Both of them felt so happy and complete in that moment. Everything was perfect.

“Yanjun, you know what?” 

“What?” 

“Remember how I said I’ll tell the world I lived up to the night?” 

“mhm” 

“Having you with me makes me feel I will not only live up to the night, if I’m with you tomorrow I’ll be **telling myself I lived up to** not only the night, but **the world**.” 

Yanjun smiled proudly. Both of them felt fulfilled and free. They would still try to hide their love in front of the public and the cameras, but between them now there would be no secrets, no obstacles and definitely no fears. If their love gets discovered and their career falls because of that, it’s okay. They will have each other. And they will have music. Their true fans will stay with them, the rest were never really the important public. The rest don’t understand what they feel. Only the fans that truly loved them would stay with them even if they are who their managers tell them not to be. 

"Yanjun, I got it! I know what my song will be named." Yanjun smiled at Zhangjing's excitement. He pulled the short boy into his arms hugging him. He placed a kiss on his soft cheek. "What will be the name baby?" 

Zhangjing blushed at Yanjun's actions, but he smiled wide. He kissed Yanjun and **just like** that, Yanjun felt his heart warm up. He was exactly where he wanted to be. He had a star in his lonely night and he was in his arms. Zhangjing answered "**the night of a lone star**" 

"Perfect" 


End file.
